Duo in Wonderland
by Inseiko
Summary: This actually goes with a string of anime interviews I wrote, which can be found on my site (listed in my profile)
1. Default Chapter

Duo in Wonderland part one **The Fans Want to Know is taking a short reprieve to fix the website and cure the interviewer of her writers' block. As per usual, when stuck on everything else, I turn to fluff. We've done ten interviews so far, ranging from Fushigi Yuugi to X. Let's recap!**

**I still say the first interview was the least nerve wracking. During the Gundam Wing interview, Duo and Hiiro destroyed my studio, and owed me. ~evil grin~ The whole reason why we had the GW interview second was because of Tasuki's mischeiviousness. Hiiro executed that annoying Togepi for me, and Duo offed Jaken. Then, during the Sailormoon SuperS interview they tried to get revenge on me, and since it backfired, they owed me again. They are currently hunting down the JERK Seishirou.**

Subaru; ano... Interviewersan... 

**Daijoubu Subarukun!**

**Going back to the second Fushigi Yuugi interview, Nakago and Soi lost their tempers and chased a particularly annoying audience member, who turned out to be Naga. Last we saw of them, they'd chased Naga into Wonderland and gotten lost. Oi.**

Subaru; Interviewersan... a-are you sure those three boys will be able to handle Seishirousan? I mean, he is very powerful. 

**... I'm sure they'll be fine. I'm going on a well deserved vacation, Subarukun. I've got Wufei heavily sedated, my trip to Cephiro all planned, and my sword newly cleaned. ~grin~ Ja ne! Oh! Subarukun! Can you feed my cat?**

Subaru; H-hai. Demo... 

**But nothing. Hiiro's indestructible, nothing's gonna happen... except to Seishirou! Mwa hahahaha! See you in a couple of weeks!**

Subaru; S-Sayonara. 

The Fans Want to Know off season ^_^   
a.k.a. 'Duo in Wonderland' 

Duo looks around to find himself standing beneath a tall cherry tree, surrounded by darkness. He plays with his braid a bit. 

Duo; Hiiro? Tasuki? Where'd you guys go? 

Seishirou; Did you get separated from your friends? 

Duo; ~readies scythe~ You! I'm supposed to execute you! 

Seishirou; I'll make you a deal. 

Duo's scythe suddenly disappears, and he is also suddenly wearing a white kimono 

Duo; Ahh! My Scythe! ~looks down~ AHH! MY CLOTHES! I ONLY WEAR BLACK ofmyownvolition WHAT'D YOU DO TO MY CLOTHES?! 

Seishirou; ~clears throat~ I'll make you a deal. 

Duo; Deal? 

Seishirou leans down and whispers in Duo's ear, but the wind picks up, blowing sakura all around them. 

Duo; What? I can't hear you over the wind! What?! 

** 

Meanwhile, Hiiro and Tasuki find themselves in a vast field of flowers. 

Tasuki; ... hey. Where'd Duo go? 

Hiiro; He'll find his way back. 

Hiiro suddenly stops at a table. Tasuki doesn't notice, and falls over Hiiro into said table. The tea on the table goes flying and splashes all over them. They immediately shrink. 

** 

Meanwhile Duo wakes up in a bed with the sun shining through the window. No, Seishirou is not in bed with him. Duo wipes at his eyes with the back of his arm and blinks blearily at the clock. Then his eyes grow huge as he grabs the clock and freaks out. 

Duo; AUGH! DAMMIT!! I'm SO LATE!! 

Duo quickly dresses into his school uniform. (which is, sadly, not a fuku, but a boy's uniform) He then grabs toast from the magical toaster and runs out the door. He runs down the street, looks at his watch, and freaks some more. 

Duo; Dammit dammit dammit! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late! 

Usagi; It's late! It's late! It's late! 

Usagi, dressed in a playboy bunny outfit [bad puns are fun] skateboards past, with Mamoru in close pursuit. Usagi winks at Duo and then rides her skateboard right into a gaping hole of darkness. Duo is a little slow this morning and runs right in after her. Mamoru stops at the edge, shrugs, and goes off to find a way to turn Chibiusa back into the Black Lady. 

** 

Hiiro; Tasuki. 

Tasuki; Hai? 

Hiiro; Omae o korosu. 

** 

Duo falls for a long time and then lands flat on his face. 

Duo; OW!! ~gets up~ Now where the hell am I? 

Duo is, apparently, nowhere. But there is a door in nowhere. Attached to the door is a somewhat pretty blonde girl. 

Duo; R-Rilina?! 

Rilina; Ohaiyo Gozaimasu! ~giggle~ 

Duo; O-ohaiyo... ~aside~ Why is Rilina attached to a door? 

Rilina; Onamae wa? 

[trans=> what is your name? (lit. your name is?)] 

Duo; ~aside~ this is really weirrrrrrd.... ~to Rilina-door~ D-Duo desu... 

Rilina; That's a cute name. 

Duo; ... 

Rilina; Would you like to go through the door? 

Duo; Uhh.... how do I do that? ~looks around~ Where's the knobs? 

Rilina; here. 

Duo; Here? Where? Where? 

Rilina; ~cups her hands around her breasts~ Here. 

Duo steps back in absolute horror. Rilina smiles cutely. 

Duo; Th-THOSE are the knobs? 

Rilina; Hai. ~cute smile~ 

Duo has two choices here, he can either stay here in nowhere with Rilina-door, or he can cop a feel at her behest and get out. Shakily he reaches his hands out. Rilina-door grabs them and places them firmly on her chest. Duo immediately goes into shock and can do nothing as Rilina clutches him to her bosom and he goes through the door. Sometime inbetween one side and the other, Duo ends up upside down and lands on his head.... again... 

Duo; OW! ~gets up~ NOW where the hell am I? Forget doing this so that the Interviewer will spare me more torture, I'm gonna kill that Seishirou to get revenge for me!! 

Duo hears steps behind him and turns around. He is presented with the site of of a redhead and a brunette dressed in chinese dresses standing looking at him. 

Lina; Watashi wa Lina. 

Amelia; Watashi wa Amelia. 

Lina and Amelia; Onamae wa? 

Duo; aw maaannn... Duo desu! 

Amelia; That's a cute name. ~wink~ 

Lina; Let's fight. 

Duo; ~remembers Slayers interviews~ Let's not, okay? 

Duo turns to go and is presented with two other females in chinese dresses. 

To-ly; Watashi wa To-ly 

Cho-ly; Watashi wa Cho-ly 

To-ly and Cho-ly; Onamae wa? 

Duo; ~edging away~ um... Duo desu? 

To-ly; Duo? That's a cute name. 

Duo; I'm beginning to see a pattern here... 

Cho-ly; Let's fight. 

Duo; What?! Hey! I just want to get to... um... school I guess. I think that's where I was going. NO! I was going to execute Seishirou... was that where I was going...? 

Cho-ly; ~kicks poor Duo in the head~ 

Duo; OW! Haven't I had enough head injuries today? 

Duo backs away from the four females advancing upon him. 

Duo; Hey, listen ladies, I don't want to hurt you all, but... ~reaches for gun... that isn't there~ My gu-- I left it in my bag. Where's my bag? OH NO! I left it with Rilina!!! 

** 

Rilina; ~blinks at bag~ Oh, my. 

** 

Hiiro and Tasuki wander around the huge flowers and whatnot for awhile. Tasuki debates over whether Hiiro really meant that death threat or not. Hiiro plots Tasuki's death. 

Dorothy; Futari... 

[Futari => you two (lit. two people)] 

Hiiro and Tasuki stop and look around. 

Dorothy; Futari... 

Hiiro and Tasuki look up to see Dorothy, wearing a top hat and a rather.... interesting leather outfit beckoning them from a daisy-top. She is with two other girls who are also dressed um, interestingly. Before Hiiro and/or Tasuki can say anything, they float up to join Dorothy and her friends on the daisy-top. 

Dorothy watches bemused over a cup of tea as her friends begin to fawn over Hiiro and Tasuki. 

Tasuki; Hey! What are you-- 

Hiiro; You're Dorothy. 

Dorothy; ~purr~ Glad you remember me. 

Tasuki; -- hey, uh, matte,-- 

Hiiro; You shrank us. 

Dorothy; ~purr~ You shrank yourselves with that tea. 

Tasuki; --That's MY SHIRT!!-- 

Hiiro; Turn us back. 

Dorothy; ~purrpurr~ Why would I do that? 

Tasuki; --cut it-- whoa! Okay, um...-- ~nervous~ 

Both of Dorothy's friends have full attention on Tasuki. 

Hiiro; Turn us back now. 

Dorothy; ~crawls over and drapes herself over Hiiro~ ~purrs in his ear~ What's in it for me? 

Tasuki; --okay ladies, I'm very flattered but-- Not the pants! ack!!-- 

Hiiro; ~steadfast~ Return us to our regular size. 

Dorothy's fingers are working their way under the waist of Hiiro's bicycle shorts. 

Tasuki is no longer protesting. 

Hiiro; Omae o korosu. 

Dorothy; Ooh, you're so Dangerous! ~shiver~ 

Hiiro; Get off me. 

Dorothy; You're no fun. I'm going to find Quatre. Drink this tea. It'll return you to normal size. 

Hiiro; ~takes tea~ Come on, Tasuki. 

Tasuki; Five more minutes. 

Hiiro would sweatdrop if it were in his character. 

** 

Duo, meanwhile, turns and runs away from the four battle-lusting femmes. No gun and no gundam means Duo books it out of there. He's attacked anyway, and the ground is torn up beneath his feet. Before he knows it, Duo is falling again... 

** 

Subaru; ano........ I have a bad feeling about this..... 

Kagome; Yeah, me too. What are we talking about? 

Subaru; ~blink~ 

*** 

[To be continued I guess. ^^* All I'll say is that this is getting really weird...] 

[Written by Inseiko, 2000] 


	2. part two

Duo in Wonderland part two == Somewhere on the shore of Cephiro's sparkling vast blue ocean... a cellphone rings... == 

**Moshimoshi?**

Subaru; Su-sumimasen.... 

**Ah! Subarukun! How's my cat?**

Subaru; Fine. Um... just out of curiosity... who's doing the interviews while you're gone? 

**Hm? Oh, the producer said she'd find someone if any dire specials had to be done while I was away.**

Subaru; Producer. Right. Ano... 

**Still worried about the Seishirou thing?**

Subaru; uh... 

**Don't worry about it dear. I have faith in Hiiro, Tasuki, and Duo. ~pulls down sunglasses for a better look at her companion~ You know, Subarukun, you would not believe how good Wuchan looks in swimtrunks.**

Wufei; ~glares~ 

Kagome; What? no speedo? 

The Fans Want to Know off season ^_^   
a.k.a. 'Duo in Wonderland' 

**Wuchan's not a speedo kinda guy ^_^v**

Hiiro hands Tasuki some of the tea Dorothy gave him. 

Tasuki; ~peers at tea~ Is this really safe? 

Hiiro; Likely not. 

Regardless, they both drink, and lo! They are big again. 

** 

While falling, Duo realizes that he doesn't really want to land on his head again and flails about trying to right himself. He lands on his head anyway. 

Duo; OW! 

Must be a curse or something. ^^ 

Duo; ~sits up and rubs head~ Now where am I? 

Duo looks around and spies a large tree. 

Duo; Ahh! Big tree! Seishirou! Someone help meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! 

Cheshire Cat; ~purr (an actual one, not like Dorothy wuz)~ Why? 

Duo; cuz I forgot my gun with Rilina! 

Soi; That sounds like a bad thing. 

Duo; S-Soi? 

Come to think of it, this is a completely different tree. Not to mention that there's no sakura in the air, no darkness (well, there is, but a completely different kind) and he's still wearing his school uniform. 

While Duo is letting all this sink in, Soi and the Cheshire Cat emerge from the tree and eye Duo lustfully. 

Cheshire Cat; Onamae wa? 

Duo; Not this again.... Duo desu. 

Cheshire Cat; That is a cute name. 

Soi; ~nods and reaches out to take Duo's braid in her hands~ 

Duo; ~nervous titter~ ano... Can you two tell me where I am? 

Cheshire Cat; ~while idly playing with the front of his jacket~ You are here. 

Duo; Where is here? 

Soi; ~while undoing his braid~ Here is here. 

Duo; ~sweatdrop~ That... uh, doesn't help me.... Um, um, ~bats at Cheshire Cat's wandering hands~ What's your name. I know Soi, but... 

Cheshire Cat; Watashi wa Cheshire Cat desu. 

Duo; ~bigger sweatdrop~ That's nice. I think I know where I am now! 

Soi and the Cheshire Cat pounce, and toss Duo to the ground. They both position themselves on top of him, with Cheshire Cat busying herself with his pants, and Soi leaning in for the kiss-- 

Duo; ~squeezes eyes shut and cringes~ 

... 

Nothing happens. 

Duo opens his eyes and looks around. Neither Soi nor the Cheshire Cat are in sight. Quickly he gives himself the once over; he's intact, he has his clothes, and as far as he can tell... nothing happened. Fwew! Duo's never been so relieved in his life! He picks himself up and finds himself face to face with a young woman in a rather revealing white rose costume. 

Duo; WHAAA! ~falls over~ 

Hilde; ~smile~ Ohaiyo Gozaimasu! 

Duo; Rilina? 

Hilde; ~question mark appears above her head~ Watashi wa Hilde desu. Onamae wa? 

Duo; ~groans~ 

** 

Tasuki; Are we there yet? 

Hiiro; No. 

Tasuki; Are we there yet? 

Hiiro; No. 

Tasuki; Are we there yet? 

Hiiro; No. 

Tasuki; When are we gonna be there? 

Hiiro; The better question is, where are we and why can't I get my gun? 

Tasuki; ~swallows~ Where do you keep your gun anyway? 

Hiiro; Hammerspace. 

Tasuki; Shoulda known... wait! You can't access hammerspace? I know where we are! What's the one place where you can't use hammerspace to protect all ecchi from large unwieldy mallets?! 

Hiiro; I don't keep up with Shoujo. Why don't you just tell me? 

Tasuki; We're in Wonderland. 

Hiiro; Wonderland. 

Tasuki; yeah! 

Hiiro; Then why does that backwards sign that just appeared behind you say Welcome to Mirror Land? 

Tasuki; ~turns and sees sign~ AUGH! That's even worse! 

Hiiro; Why? 

Tasuki; Because! Interviewer said that Naga was stuck playing chess with herself! That means she's with Humpty Dumpty... HERE!! In Mirror Land! 

Hiiro; ~monotone~ I want my gun back. 

** 

Duo; ~decides he might as well~ Duo desu. 

Hilde; Duo? That's a cute-- 

Card #1; Hildechan! Time for your painting! 

Hilde; Hai! 

Without much better to do, Duo follows Hilde to the group of Cards and Roses in the midst of a painting session. It seems all the cards are painting the roses red instead of white. 

Duo; Ano... can I ask you something? 

Card #1; 'm busy. 

Duo; But... why are you painting them red? 

Card #2; Because the queen wants red roses, and we accidentally painted white. If we don't get these painted right away, we're gonna be punished. 

Duo; Damn. Tough break. Also, have you guys seen this guy-- 

Card #1; Wai! I want to be punished! 

Duo; -.- Nani? 

Card #3; Wai! Me too! 

Other Cards; Me too! Me too! 

Duo; ~scratches head in confusion, only then realizing that his hair is still out~ Stupid Soi... ~busies himself with his hair~ 

Cards and Roses; Wai! Jo'oosama! Jo'oosama! 

[trans => queen] 

Duo turns around and is faced with... the queen... and her new plaything. 

Nakago; Omae... 

Queen; Hmm... I thought I said I wanted RED roses! 

Roses; ~blink~ 

Cards; It's my fault! It's my fault! Punish me! Punish me! 

Queen; ~looks down and notices Duo~ Onamae wa? 

Duo; ~is backing away~ D-D-D-D-ddddd- Duo.... ~gulp~ desu. 

Queen; ~grin~ Duo... 

The queen cracks her whip. Duo gives a shout and jumps back. 

Queen; Lick my boots! 

Duo; Wh-wh-wha-at? 

Nakago; ~cracks his whip~ She said lick her boots! 

Duo; ~takes in Queen's S&M getup~ Uh... I'd rather not... really... never know where those things've been... you know... 

Queen; ~cracks whip again~ 

Duo; Hey! Watch it! 

Queen; Lick. My. Boots. 

Nakago; Lick. Her. Boots. 

Duo; Just the same.... ~turns and takes off~ YOU DO IT NAKAGO YOU FRUITCAKE!!! 

Nakago; Fruitcake! 

Queen; ~snaps whips across the palm of her hand~ I like him. 

Nakago; ~grin~ Me too. 

The Queen and Nakago look at each other with much the same expression Nakago got at the thought of Tamahome. 

Nakago; Let's get him. ~chases~ 

Queen; OH-HOHOHOHOHOHO!!! ~chases as well~ 

Duo; ~while running~ What did I do to deserve this?! 

** 

Tasuki; So then Miaka took off all her clothes and Tamahome freaked right out-- 

Hiiro; Don't you ever shut up? You talk more than Duo. 

Tasuki; and she was covered in ice by one of the Genbu sei-- what? Duo? Yeah, hey, where is Duo? You said he'd find us! 

Hiiro; He will. 

Tasuki; Well how do you know?! What if-- ~appalled~ What if Seishirou's gotten him?! 

Hiiro; Hn. 

Sometime later, when walking through the floating clumps of dirt... 

Tasuki; -- So then Nuri came back to life and caught the big piece of whateveritwas right before it landed on Miaka-- 

** 

Duo is running through the sudden labyrinth that the Queen's castle became. All he's finding is corridor after corridor after corridor... 

Duo; Wha-ha-ha! This isn't fair! I want my Shinigami!! 

Usagi; It's late! It's late! It's late! It's late! 

Duo; Nani? USAGI?!?! 

Usagi; ~wink~ It's late! 

Duo; ~points at her in outrage~ YOU'RE the one who got me here in the FIRST PLACE!! Take me back! 

Usagi; It's late! 

Duo; Take me-- ~slams into a wall~ -- back........ ugh. ~falls flat on his back~ (but not on his head!) 

** 

Tasuki; -- so Tamahome PUNCHED right through Nakago! Whoo-hoo! You should have seen it!-- 

** 

Seishirou; ~smiles~ 

** 

Kagome; You know, I would love to see Inu Yasha in Wonderland. 

Subaru; ~looks at her~ ... 

*** 

[To be Continued. Although I don't have a clue where I'm going to go from here...] 

[Written by Inseiko, 2000] 


	3. part three

Duo in Wonderland part three == still on the shores of Cephiro's sparkling vast blue ocean... == 

**Checkmate!**

Wufei; ~jerks in surprise, examines board~ Onna! How did you do that? 

**Face it Wuchan, you suck at chess.**

Wufei; ~starts furiously putting pieces back in place~ Moichido! 

[trans=>one more time] 

**~sighs~ All right. But this is the last game, Wuchan.**

Wufei; Stop calling me that, Onna! 

**^_^**

The Fans Want to Know off season   
a.k.a. 'Duo in Wonderland'   


Duo wakes up in bed with the sun shining through the window. No, Seishirou is not in bed with him. Duo wipes at his eyes with the back of his arm and blinks blearily at the clock. Then his eyes grow huge as he grabs the clock and freaks out. 

Duo; AUGH! DAMMIT!! I'm SO LATE!! 

Duo runs around the room, grabbing his school uniform, falling over while trying to put his socks on... when he lands on his head something occurs to him. 

Duo; Waaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit a minute! I've done this be-- hmm... if I slow down, then I won't meet with Usagi and end up in that crazy place again. heheheheh... Tooooooooo bad Seishirou... THIS God of Death is too clever for you. 

Duo gets up chuckling and notices his reflection in the mirror, he sees there that his hair is STILL out of it's wonderful trademark braid. 

Duo; ~makes face~ Darn Soi... 

Duo sits at the mirror and begins primping. He brushes his long silky hair, he teases his bangs, and then starts to braid it. After completing the braid, he leans towards the mirror and compliments his reflection. 

Duo; You, are one handsome devil. I mean it. 

The reflection smiles and then sticks his tongue out at him. Duo blinks and steps back. Allofasudden his reflection emerges partially from the mirror and takes Duo's face in his hands. Mirror-Duo kisses Duo full on the lips. Duo freaks out. Mirror-Duo pulls the struggling Duo into the mirror and, you guessed it, Duo begins to fall once on the other side of the mirror. 

** 

Hiiro; ~monotone~ Oh look. It's a butterfly. 

Tasuki; Where? 

Primera; ~lands on Hiiro's head~ Butterfly? I'm a pixie, dammit, Spandex Boy! 

Hiiro; Whatever. 

Tasuki; Saa... and a very beautiful pixie at that! 

Primera; Oh-hoho. Anyway. I was looking for MY Lantis! He went out last night with that rotten Hikaru last night and he hasn't come back! 

Tasuki; Hikaru? ~laughs~ Aw, no! no! Lantis went out with Eagle last night! Yeah! they came for drinks with Nuri and I! 

Primera; ~sniffle~ 

Tasuki; I think they ended up in some unwritten yaoi fic somewhere after Nuri and I left for ours. 

Primera; ~bursts into tears and flies off~ 

Hiiro; I think you broke her heart. 

Tasuki; ~blinks~ Ah well. 

** 

Duo lands on his head in a field of flowers. 

Duo; OW!! Why can't I land on my ass or something? 

Duo gets up and notices a sign engraved on some funky looking piece of modern art. 

Duo ~reading~ dnalrorrim ot emoclew... dnalrorrim ot emoclew... What the hell does that mean? ~considers sign some more~ dnalrorrim... dnalrorrim... ~turns his head sideways~ What is this? Chinese or something? Where's Wufei when you need him, I tell you! Or Arabic? Darn Quatre, where's he? DAMMIT! I'm AMERICAN!! I only know ENGLISH!! and Japanese cuz I'm in a Japanese show... dnalrorrim ot emoclew... is it Canadian maybe? 

[you'll notice that Hiiro understood the sign immediately] 

Sally; It's backwards. 

Duo; Backwards? What language is-- ohhh.... ~reads~ wel-come-to-mi-rror-la-nd. Welcome to Mirrorland! oh no. 

Duo turns around and seizes up at the sight of Sally in the now customary revealing leather number, with spikes no less, and with large bat wings to compliment her lovely outfit. 

Duo; S-S-S-SALLY?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!? 

Sally; ~smile~ Onamae wa? 

Duo; ~deflates~ Duo desu. 

Sally; Duo? That's a cute name. 

Sally flies forward and gathers Duo into her arms. Carting the protesting Duo, she takes to the skies. 

Duo; Sally? What are you doing with bat wings? You're too nice for those. *I* deserve bat wings. And where are we going? To your little S&M love nest, I suppose. Shouldn't you be abducting Wufei like this? Better not be back to that crazy queen. Lick her boots... AS IF! What kind of twisted sex-crazed psychopath... ~trails off~ Heeeyyy... the ground... it's above my head... and the sky is... beneath my feet? How did THAT happen? Am I falling? All the blood isn't rushing to my head... is it zero-g? no..... ~whine~ this is weird.... Hey. Sally? Let me go, k? 

Sally; ~keeps flying~ 

Duo; Let me go! Lemmegolemmegolemmego!!! AHH! I don't wanna be here! I don't wanna have sex with you Sally! Frankly right now I don't want to have sex with ANYONE!! Let me go! 

Duo struggles and squirms his way out of Sally's grip. He begins to fall towards the sky. Sally shrugs and continues on. 

Duo; ~nervous titter~ I'm falling towards the sky... great... eventually I'll end up in outer space and DIE! ~lands~ ooof! 

Duo gets up and rubs at his sore butt. 

Duo; Guess I got what I asked for. 

Xellos; Ohaiyo Gozaimasu. ~grin~ 

Duo; Rilina? 

Xellos; ~grin~ 

Duo; Oh, you're not Rilina. 

Xellos; Onamae wa? ~grin~ 

Duo; ~heavy sigh, mumbles~ Duo desu. 

Xellos; Ah. That is a cute name. Boku wa Xellos desu. ~grin~ 

[trans=> I am Xellos. because Xellos is male he uses 'boku' as opposed to 'watashi'] 

Duo; ~nervous titter~ Is that so? 

A chair floats down and picks Duo up. He floats to one side of the space he and Xellos are in. It's only then that he realizes that the floor he landed on is checker-board in black and white. Four walls made of mirrors come down to encompass the square floor. From somewhere outside these walls, comes the distant sound of a laugh. 

Duo; What was that? 

Xellos; Ah, that was Naga. She is playing chess as well. ~grin~ 

Duo; chess? 

Xellos; She's not very good, so her game is taking longer than planned due to a constant stalemate. I was visiting Beastmaster Zellassama's sister Humpty Dumptysama when you dropped in and she asked me to mediate your game. ~grin~ 

Duo; ~looks around~ So.... you'll be playing against me? 

Xellos; nonono.... I'll be the mediator. Your opponent will be him. ~grin~ 

Xellos points to the opposite side of the enclosure at another chair, in which sits-- 

Duo; YOU!!!! 

-- Mirror-Duo. 

From out of nowhere... I guess... walk the 'chess pieces.' (no, not the same nowhere that houses Rilina-door) All of them female, each one is clearly marked as a certain piece, either pawn, or rook, or knight, or bishop, or queen, or king. 

Duo; um... Xellossan... I don't really know this game all that well.... 

Xellos; Yare yare... you'll do fine. Now then, the rules of the game. You will play for the allotted time, at the end, the loser has to take off his clothes. 

Duo; N-nani?! 

Xellos; ~raises staff into air~ Ikimasu! 

[trans=> a polite way of saying 'go'] 

Duo; ... but I like my clothes ~sweatdrop~ 

** 

Hiiro trips and falls flat on his face. 

Tasuki; Hm? Oi, Hiiro, your shoes untied. 

Hiiro says nothing, but gets up on one knee and begins to re-tie his shoe. 

Quatre; Sumimasen... 

Hiiro; Hm? You hear that? 

Tasuki; What? 

Quatre; Sumimasen! 

Hiiro looks down and realizes he's kneeling on an iddy-biddy Quatre. 

Trowa; ~emerges from grass, he is also iddy-biddy~ Quatre! 

Quatre; Trowa! 

Trowa; Sumimasen. But could you please get off my friend? 

Hiiro; Oh, sorry Quatre. ~gets off~ 

Quatre; That's okay. 

Tasuki peers at iddy-biddy Quatre. 

Tasuki; Are you sure you're okay? He's a lot bigger than you. 

Quatre; No really, I'm fine, but I think I got this tear in my pants, see? right on the inner thigh... see? see? 

Iddy-biddy Quatre leaps to Tasuki's face, urging him to look at his inner thigh. 

Tasuki; Wak! 

Trowa; Quatre, stop teasing Tasuki. 

Quatre; okay. ~winks at Tasuki~ 

Quatre leaps down to Trowa and the two become very, ah, amorous. 

Hiiro; Quatre's fine. Let's go, Tasuki. 

Trowa; You can stay and join us if you like. 

Quatre; Yeah, join us. 

Tasuki; But you're so tiny, how would I? 

Hiiro; Let's. Go. Tasuki. 

Tasuki; Hey, Hiiro, you got anymore of that tea? 

Hiiro; omae o korosu. 

** 

Duo is frantically examining the chess board, trying to recall any rules of the game. Any at all. Finally he remembers something. Pointing at a random 'piece' he states, 

Duo; Pawn! Forward one! 

Mirror-Duo; Pawn. Forward one. 

Duo; ~decides to go with it~ Pawn. Forward one! 

Mirror-Duo; Pawn. Take the white pawn. 

Duo; How'd I end up with the white pieces? Is this Seishirou's doing? 

The black pawn runs to the white pawn and slaps her across the face. The white pawn falls to the ground and her clothing disappears. She runs from the board in tears. 

Duo; O.O ~points at Xellos~ You really meant that 'no clothes' thing, didn't you? 

Xellos; ~grin~ 

Duo; ~ponders this~ If the loser of this game has to take off his clothes, and I'm playing myself... then no matter what I'm gonna have to take my clothes off. But I don't want to take my clothes off, so I'll win. But if I win he'll have to take his clothes off and he's me. ~sweatdrop~ aw mannnn... I can't win! 

Xellos; Time is running out. ~grin~ 

Duo; Oh! Uh... uhh.......... bishop, move to E4! 

Mirror-Duo; Knight, take the white bishop. 

The black knight runs up and whips the white bishop. Her clothes disappear and she leaves in disgrace. 

Duo; Cut that out! I'm losing... I think... I'm gonna have to strip... but if I do figure out a way to win, then he'll have to strip and he's me... 

** 

Inu Yasha; ~storms in~ Where the hell is Kagome? 

Subaru; Uh... 

Kagome; SIT! 

Inu Yasha slams into the ground. 

Inu Yasha; Kagome! What the f--?! 

Kagome emerges from the shadows in a leather number she borrowed from the Bondage Queen of Hearts. She has a whip, also borrowed from the Queen. 

Kagome; I am not Kagome to you! You must call me JO'OOSAMA!!! 

Inu Yasha; NANI?! Kagome?! 

Kagome; ~cracks whip~ Call me Jo'oosama! 

Subaru; ~face goes red and he turns away to give them some semblance of privacy~ 

*** 

[Just when you think this fic can't get any stranger...] 

[Written by Inseiko, 2000] 


	4. part four

Duo in Wonderland part four = STILL on the shores of Cephiro's sparkling vast blue ocean = 

**~yawns, and stretches as she wakes up~ Ahh! That felt good. Eh?**

Wufei; ~sitting at table, scowling at chess board~ 

**~sweatdrop~ Oi. Wu.**

Wufei; What do YOU want Onna? 

**~bigger sweatdrop~ Uh.. nothing... ~aside~ He's scary when he gets like this...**   


The Fans Want to Know off season   
a.k.a. 'Duo in Wonderland'   


Somewhere in Mirrorland, Hiiro and Tasuki meet up with Nakago and the Bondage Queen. 

Tasuki; Oi. Nakago. Found Naga yet? 

Nakago; Nah. I got distracted. 

Tasuki; We're supposed to execute Seishirou. 

Nakago; Oh him? He's back at the castle, waiting for a friend under a cherry tree he brought with him. 

Tasuki; Hey thanks! Now all we have to do is find Duo... 

Hiiro; Have you seen Duo? 

Queen; Hm? Duo? Yes. But not nearly ALL that I want to see of him. OH HOHOHOHOHOHO!! 

Hiiro; ... right. So do you know where he is? 

Queen; If I knew where he was, I'd have found him by now and have him strapped to my bed, nude, with-- 

Hiiro; So you don't know where he is. 

Queen; Eh? No. I said that. 

Hiiro; Right. Let's go Tasuki. 

Tasuki; Right Hiiro. Hey, Nakago just told me where to find Seishirou. 

Hiiro; I thought you two were enemies. 

Tasuki; Oh yeah... eh. He dislikes Ashitare, and so do I. That's something in common, so I'll let him live this time. 

Hiiro; I see. 

** 

Duo has completely lost track of the chess game by the time the bell rings, signaling that it's over. 

Xellos; ~floats over~ Congratulations! You won. ~grin~ 

Duo; ~blinks at board~ I did? 

Xellos; Yes. ~grin~ 

Duo; ... How? 

Xellos; Sore wa himitsu desu. 

[That is a secret] 

Duo; Don't you ever get tired of saying that? 

Xellos; Sore wa himitsu desu. 

Duo; ~sigh~ 

Xellos; Now the loser will take off his clothes. ~grin~ 

Duo; WAHHHH!!! ~falls out of his floating chair and lands on his face~ 

Mirror Duo steps off of his chair (which conveniently floated down to ground level) With a sly, seductive look at Duo, he begins to undo his coat. 

= 'White Wedding' begins playing in the background = 

Duo; What kind of BGM is this for a strip scene? 

Mirror Duo slowly strips off his clothing piece by piece, whilst dancing to the music and waggling his cute butt. (^_^) Before Duo can quite comprehend, he's down on the floor, removing his boxers, baring all for the worlds to see. When he stands up and strikes a pose, tossing said boxers away (which have SD Hiiros printed all over them O.o?) Duo can't stand it anymore. 

Duo; ~running for Mirror Duo~ YAMETE YAMETE YAMETE YAMETEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[trans=> stop it! stop it! stop it! stop it!] 

Duo reaches Mirror Duo and goes right through him, landing on his face. 

** 

Tasuki; Hey, Hiiro, ever notice how your name sounds like 'Hero'? haha! Hiiro the Hero! Bah hahahahahahahaha! Though you're not much of a Hero are you Hiiro? Or are you too much of a Hiiro, Hero? wah hahaha! This is too fun. 

Hiiro; Urusai. 

** 

Duo gets up, fully expecting to see the nude Mirror-Duo and Xellos... doing who knows what... but he doesn't. He is just in time to see the cherry petal float down and land smack dab on his nose. 

Duo; ~sneeze~ 

Seishirou; hn, how cute! ~heart~ 

Duo; Buh? ~turns around, sees Seishirou standing against a cherry tree~ WAHHH!!!!! Seriously, man, I don't know WHAT the fangirls have been telling you, but I don't sway that way! 

Seishirou; Oh, but I do. 

Seishirou advances on Duo, who takes off. The end up in a chase going around and around the tree.... now all we need is for Seishirou to laugh maniacally. 

** 

Suddenly a strong wind picks up, and quickly becomes gale force. Hiiro and Tasuki can't stand against it and are blown away. They go over the edge of the clump of land they are on and commence falling... 

... they fall right through the branches of the cherry tree to land on Seishirou. Duo trips over them and they all end up in a big pile. 

Tasuki; ~sits up~ Hey! Look! ~he points downwards and smiles at Hiiro~ It's Seishirou! 

Hiiro; ~looks down~ Is he dead? 

Duo; ~glomps them both~ OH THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!! I've missed you guys SO much! You have no idea what I've been through! Rilina! UGH! 

Hiiro; Rilina...? 

Seishirou; ~groans~ 

Tasuki; Whoops! He's not dead! 

Hiiro, Tasuki, and Duo all move back and reach for their respective weapons, only to find the Hammerspace rule still applies. 

Duo; ~hides behind Hiiro~ Whaah! Hiiro save me! He wants me to be his uke! 

Tasuki; I thought you went for that sort of thing. 

Duo; ~fangs~ I do not! 

Tasuki; huh... why not? 

Duo can't seem to think of an answer. 

Seishirou gets up and brushes his clothes off. Duo suddenly notices he's in the white kimono again. He clings to Hiiro and begins bawling incoherently.   
Suddenly the Bondage Queen of Hearts and Nakago enter. Bondage Queen sees Duo bawling and begins to advance on him. Nakago follows. 

Seishirou; Hey. He's mine. 

Queen & Nakago; ~pout~ 

Queen; Can I borrow him sometime? 

Duo; BORROW?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!? 

Seishirou; So long as you return him intact. 

Queen; ~smiles at Duo~ I'll try. 

Hiiro; Hey. No one is borrowing Duo. Nor lending him for that matter. 

Tasuki; Yeah! Hiiro's already claimed him! 

Duo; Urk! ~falls over~ 

Seishirou; oh... dammit. Now I need to find someone else to be my new uke. 

Hiiro; Do you like girls? 

Seishirou; I suppose. 

Hiiro; Go to Mirrorland and drink some tea. Eventually you'll find Dorothy. 

Tasuki; Ano... Hiiro... are you sure that's wise? 

Seishirou; Dorothy eh? ~shrugs~ Sure, why not. 

Seishirou goes to leave, just as Duo's getting up. Seishirou reaches over and grabs Duo by the sides of the face. He looks deeply in his eyes and then kisses him passionately. 

Duo; O.O 

Tasuki; O.O 

Hiiro; ~... has the look he... usually... has~ 

Queen & Nakago; ~have gone off to find other prey~ 

Seishirou drops Duo [literally] and pats Hiiro on the shoulder. 

Seishirou; Treat him well. 

And then he leaves. 

Hiiro; Omae o korosu. 

Tasuki; Oh yeah, we were supposed to kill him, weren't we? 

Hiiro; Sending him to Dorothy is a fate worse than death. 

** 

Subaru; ... 

*** 

[Thus ends the tale of Duo in Wonderland. Quite the exciting off season The Fans Want to Know had, neh? Wai!! Eheheh. Thank you for reading my little soiree into insanity.] 

[Written by Inseiko, 2000] 


	5. Epilogue

Optional little epilogue thingy... _The following was added to the end of Part four when I posted it on the Deathboy_Duo ml on e-groups. Just as a bit of explanation, I _am_ Riva. (yes, yes, another name) It's a little conversation between me and my bishounen about the aforementioned story._

Duo; ~reaches for keyboard~ You forgot to write in the part where all the chess pieces go for my sparkling nude bod! 

**Duo! the Chess pieces were already gone by then!**

Duo; I haven't gotten to Miyukichan in Wonderland in your collection, Riva. What did the chess pieces look like anyway? 

**^_^ Rilina.**

Duo; ~urks and falls over~ 

**~giggles~ Just kidding.**

Subaru; So you're back now? 

**Hai!**

Tasuki; Where's Wufei? 

**Off to retrieve Shenlon.**

Trunks; Shenlon? 

**Not the dragon, the gundam, dear. The only way I could convince him to stay in Cephiro was to hold 'Nataku' hostage.**

Trunks; ... 

Tasuki; You're cruel. ~glomps her~ I LIKE THAT! 

**Eheh.**

Xellos; I wouldn't mind going to Wonderland again sometime. 

Trunks; Just leave me behind, okay? 

**Hmm... 'Trunks in Wonderland'**

Trunks; ~sweatdrop~ 

**Putting those characters into this storyline would be fun!**

Trunks; ... 

**VEJIITA THE BONDAGE KING! OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!!!**

Trunks; ~is so disturbed by the mental picture of this he faints~ 

Subaru; Trunkssan!! 

Xellos; Oh! Write it Rivachan! Write it! 

Tasuki; ... 

Duo; ano... you think Trunks is okay? 

** 

Meanwhile, out in the forest, alone, Wufei allows himself a moment of OOC; 

Wufei; NATAKU!!!!! ~glomp~   



End file.
